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The Maelstrom's Cup, chapter 4 (WWE fanfic)

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Title: The Maelstrom's Cup
Fandom: Wrestling
Pairing: Jon Moxley/Tyler Black (aka Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins)
Rating: M for Mature
Warnings: Sexual content, some violence, references to abuse, and other adult themes some readers may find disturbing. Also, as always, all characters herein are intended to be FICTIONAL and are not identical to the real wrestlers portraying them and have no bearing on their real lives/personalities. Capiche?
Summary: In a 2006 that never was, Tyler Black encounters Jon Moxley in Puerto Rico.



The the sound of laughter floated up the creaky stairs into the ramshackle apartment over the IWA Puerto Rico headquarters. Booming laughter, recognizable as Mikael Judas, followed by a woman's higher-pitched, tinkling laughter. Mikael was back, and he'd brought female company. Jon and Tyler wiped at their faces, sticky with the juices of exotic fruits, before ambling into the living room.

Mikael had already climbed through the window and was helping his female companion through; no easy feat considering the high-heels she wore. Finally, she fell into his arms, giggling as Mikael tried to set her upright. "Hey, guys," Mikael said, twirling the girl in an imitation of a salsa move. "This is Connie, she'll be staying over tonight."

"Hi," said Connie, barely even glancing at Jon or Tyler. Her attention was entirely focused on Mikael. Jon glared holes in their backs as Mikael led her to the bedroom. He and Mike brought over girls all the time, but they never spent the night. Judging from the size of the overnight bag this Connie chick wore over her arm, she might be planning to move in the fucking place.

"Fuck," muttered Jon, pulling out a cigarette and climbing through the living room window, out onto the balcony. The balcony overlooking the street was warped, sagging in the middle, and the paint had long since been blasted off by the tropical storms and the sun. But he hadn't put a foot through it yet, so as far as Jon was concerned it was safe to stand on. He leaned against the railing, took a long drag off the cigarette, and listened to the song of the coqui frogs. The restlessness was in him again; everything agitated him, and that was not a good thing for anyone who happened to be in the vicinity of Jon Moxley. He watched the glowing core of his cigarette as it burned down towards his fingers. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to fight or fuck. He needed to get that restlessness out, and if he had his way, he'd drag Tyler back into the bedroom and fuck him again, fuck him so that Jon's sheets smelled like Tyler's cum and sweat. Mike was probably balls deep in that slut he'd brought home, so that idea was out.

The window squeaked as it opened behind him, and Jon didn't need to turn around to know that Tyler was coming out to join him. He felt like he could recognize Tyler from the rhythm of his breathing. Tyler set a cold beer on the wooden railing in front of him. Surprised, Jon looked up at him. Tyler was staring off into the evening, his cloud of dark hair framing his face. "Thanks," mumbled Jon, as he reached up to take the beer. Their fingers brushed; it was ridiculous that such a simple touch could make his heartbeat speed up, when he'd been coming in the guy's ass not an hour ago.

"So," said Tyler, as he came to lean against the railing next to him. Jon tensed up. This was it, time for the awkward, 'I've known you for 48 hours and we jacked each other off and had a skanky hookup on your mattress on the floor' talk. He couldn't believe it when Tyler went on and said, "Still think I won't last the week?"

Jon coughed, trying to play it off like it was the cigarette's fault. "This place, it eats people alive. Your skills, your youth, your heart... doesn't matter here. The truth is a sledgehammer to the face, ain't it? Whatever your vice is, Puerto Rico will bring out the worst in you. Sex, booze, blow. It'll swallow you up. Promises mean nothing to these people. And in the end, you'll just be another anonymous face. Another warm body." He flicked his dying cigarette over the edge of the railing.

Tyler's gorgeous mouth curved in a smile. "I intend to leave a hell of a mark, Jon."

Despite himself, Jon kind of liked that Tyler was such an arrogant asshole. He hadn't thought at first that he'd be so fearless. Tyler set off down the steps. "Where you going?" Jon called after him.

Tyler paused when he reached the street. He looked back up at Jon, and the last dying rays of the setting sun caught his face and illuminated him. He glowed as if from within. "Someone told me the piña colada was invented here. I'm gonna go find one. You wanna come with me?" Without waiting for an answer, Tyler started backing away, edging out of Jon's line of sight. Like he just knew that Jon would come after him.

"God fucking damn it!" Jon grabbed his beer and ran down the stairs.

Tyler didn't know where he was going; he just picked a direction and went where his gut told him to go. Jon followed him, silent so far. Tyler glanced back at him from time to time, like Orpheus making sure Eurydice was following him out of hell. They descended down uneven steps, past little cinder-block houses and apartment buildings painted red, yellow, blue, colors no one in Iowa would ever paint their house. Bars on the doors and windows, bars on the patios, giving the impression that the houses were birdcages. Music drifted up to greet them, and they rounded a corner to find a small block party: locals dancing in the street, men banging away on drums, girls twirling, everyone laughing and hooting and waving their hands in the air. A young woman with a wild afro ran over and took Tyler by the hand, pulling him in to dance.

Tyler looked behind him to see Jon hanging back, leaning against a chain-link fence at the other end of the alley. He watched Tyler through that fringe of hair, fingering his cigarette. Tyler twirled the girl, cheered her on as she shook her ass, but stood back and let another man dance off with her. He paused to speak to an older man who was minding the drink cooler, and gratefully accepted a pair of cups from him. He pushed his way through the crowd towards Jon, smiling ear to ear.

Jon didn't want to look at him. "You were having fun, go dance," he said, trying to wave away the cup Tyler offered to him. He viciously stubbed out his cigarette against a fence post.

"See that guy over there?" Tyler nodded towards the older man he'd been talking with. "This is his party. His son got into the Marines, and they're celebrating. And he was nice enough to fix a couple of americanos like us real Puerto Rican piña coladas." He raised his eyebrows at Jon. "Are you gonna break that old man's heart and turn down his piña colada?"

"Gimme that," said Jon, taking one of the cups from him.

"Great," laughed Tyler. "I thought I was gonna have to drink both of them. I'd probably get so smashed you'd have to carry me home."

Jon peered at him from over the rim of the cup. "I could carry you."

"You wouldn't leave my drunk ass passed out on the street?"

"Your pretty ass wouldn't last ten minutes out here on the streets," Jon told him. He licked his lips. They finished their drinks and then Tyler coaxed Jon into joining the party. The locals didn't speak much English, but the drums were so loud that it didn't matter. Neither Jon nor Tyler really knew anything about salsa, but a couple of the girls helped them through a few steps. Tyler's partner boldly caressed his abdomen and chest, before somehow turning the grope into a dance move by grabbing his hand and getting him to spin her like a top. Someone cut in on them, and the crush of people pushed Tyler into the core of the party. Large hands linked around his waist, and he turned to find himself in Jon Moxley's arms. In the middle of the crowd, they were pushed so close together that no one else noticed. They couldn't talk, but Tyler could feel Jon's breath brush his face, the warmth of his hands on his body, and he imagined that he could feel Jon's pulse beating in time with the drums. They danced together for only a few seconds until the song ended and they had to break apart. Something twisted inside Tyler's chest. He desperately wanted to know what Jon tasted like right now... if he kissed him, would he taste like the piña colada? He didn't dare do something like that. Not here, not now.

He led Jon over to the old man and they thanked him for letting them join in his party. They went back the way they'd came, stumbling a little on the uneven pavement. Tyler had always had a good sense of direction, and they made it back to their apartment without incident. Instead of heading up, Jon sat down on the bottom step, seemingly amused by Tyler's frustration.

"C'mon, Jon, what is your problem? We have work tomorrow, we need some sleep."

"Yeah, about that." Jon's voice was raspy and pitchy, and his accent seemed stronger. He was a bit drunk for sure. "Don't think this means I'll go easy on you in the ring. Never gonna happen."

Tyler loomed over him, resting a hand on Jon's head and putting just enough pressure into it to make Jon's head tip back. "I will never ask you to go easy on me. I want everything you've got."

Jon pushed back, climbing to his feet. He grabbed Tyler by the hair and pulled him closer. "You think you can handle me. You all think you can handle me." He shook his head. "You don't know what you're playing with. I'll burn you alive. Consume you. Is that what you want? Total destruction? Think about it, Tyler." He pulled Tyler further into the shadows and kissed him, biting at his lips. Tyler moaned, overcome with sensation. He felt like Jon might fuck him right there on the stairs, in full view of anyone who might walk by, and if he did, Tyler didn't think he could stop him. Instead, Jon shoved him away, then took off up the stairs. Tyler followed after him, a little unsteady on his feet. Jon was so abrupt, unpredictable, like he might lose control of his body at any moment. Tyler wasn't sure from one moment to the next if Jon wanted to fuck or fight or run from him.

He climbed in through the window to find Jon standing in the doorway of his bedroom. All was silent; Mikael and Conchetta must be asleep. The headlights from passing cars threw strange shadows across the walls. For a split second, Tyler could see Jon's face; he looked like a man at war with himself. Finally, Jon disappeared into the bedroom. Tyler threw himself on the couch and prayed for morning.

Lucy Lawless joins Agents of SHIELD!

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Queen Lucy has signed on to a role with Marvel's Agents of SHIELD. She will probably be playing a Mary Sue crafted from Joss Whedon's masturbatory fantasies, but allow me to indulge my hope for a minute that she will instead be playing Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine, a spy and Nick Fury's long-time love interest. My first choice for Contessa is Monica Belluci, but if we cannot have her, then Lawless is more than acceptable.



I also demand that Agents of SHIELD recreate this iconic Nick Fury moment on the show, with Samuel L. Jackson and Lucy Lawless. Every element about this image is priceless.

-- unconscious white woman on the floor
-- shirtless Nick Fury
-- shirtless Nick Fury riding a jet-propelled motorcycle
-- shirtless Nick Fury riding a jet-propelled motorcycle, firing with a gun in each hand while smoking a cigar

This would be the most compelling moment of television ever.

Fright Night, The Walking Dead, and Moon Knight is not Marvel's Batman

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I tried to Netflix The Walking Dead after having heard so much about it. I've never read the comics series but I went into it knowing that the comic and the TV show have diverged so much that knowing one means fuck-all when it comes to the other. I liked several of the characters (Rick and Michonne are the best) but my problem is that I'm so scared of zombies that I can hardly watch an episode all the way through! I'm having a fit the whole time waiting for a zombie to jump out from behind a rock. I wish someone would make a 'no zombies' cut of TWD just to indulge me.

However, it's hilarious to watch the cast struggle to hang on to their Southern accents. Merle's is the best of the bunch; turns out his actor, Michael Rooker, is from Alabama. Big surprise! Several of the other main actors are British -- poor Britons, y'all's actors will work for peanuts because the four episodes of Sherlock y'all get a year ain't enough to keep them employed.

I watched Fright Night, the 1985 comedy-horror movie, and LOVED it (btw, if anyone wants to watch it, it's still on crackle.com for the next couple of days, free of charge). I can't believe I've never seen it before -- but I didn't see Lost Boys until I was in college, either, and that along with Fright Night basically created Buffy the Vampire Slayer and that genre. Chris Sarandon is super-sexy as Jerry the vampire, with his dark eyes and smirk that seems to warn you: "Girl, I am so fuckable but do not, under any circumstances, let me stick my dick in you. My dick is poison." His oh-so-80s wardrobe, which was fashionable at the time, is giggle-worthy now. Check out that dad sweater he wears in the club scene! Amanda Bearse (Marcy from Married With Children!) spends the entire movie looking like a 15-year-old boy with a sock in his hair.

Onto my rant. It bugs the hell out of me when people blithely equate Moon Knight to Batman, saying that Moon Knight is Marvel's equivalent to the Dark Knight. This is foolishness. The two characters have little in common, personality-wise, thematically, or in any other way. Marvel's equivalent to Batman is really Night Thrasher of the original New Warriors; like Batman, he is a child of privilege who saw his parents killed before his eyes, and dedicated his life to training to the height of physical perfection and punishing evil-doers. The parallels between Night Thrasher and Batman are clear. Marc Spector, the working-class Jewish kid from Chicago, has little in common with either of them. He and Batman differ so much in what they do and how they do it -- Batman has a strictly-observed "no killing" policy, while Marc Spector spent years as a ruthless mercenary. If Marc has a talent for anything, it's turning warm bodies into corpses!

It's on! (Stephanie McMahon vs. Brie Bella on WWE)

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First up, your moment of Tumblr Zen:



Talk about missing the point. Work on your basic reading comprehension, blastortoise. Comic books are 80% pictures, how fucking hard can it be?

How boss was Queen Stephanie McMahon on RAW?! Holy shit, when she tearfully accepted Brie Bella's demand for a match against her at Summerslam, and then smacked Brie off the ring apron and snarled, "I'm gonna make you my BITCH!" and then flung the mic at her?! And then Triple H and like 3 other guys have to bodily drag Stephanie out of the ring to separate her from Brie! This is one of the things I love about wrasslin. There is no feminine-mystique 'closer to the earth' nurturing bullshit with the female characters. They are every bit as vicious, self-serving, and ambitious as their male counterparts. Forget John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar. I hope they both lose. I am here for Queen Steph vs. Brie. I want to see them fuck each other up!


Brie Bella Stephanie McMahon Segmentby wwefan53

One White Rapper to Rule Them All

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I'm not impressed with the ascension of Iggy Azalea and her "ghetto" accent that's faker than Lil Kim's current face, or Macklemore and his ilk. No, I like my white rappers like I like most of my music: raunchy and comedic.

Mickey Avalon is an former male prostitute and current rapper who's songs sound like the soundtrack to a sleazy porno you'd watch in the back room of a sex shop in Hollywood with a suspiciously sticky floor. I confess a special fondness for Mickey because I dated a guy just like him when I lived in L.A. -- a dark-haired, dark-eyed, tattooed, bisexual musician with an occasional coke habit, the bad boy type that gives your mom heart attacks. Mickey's even Jewish just like my ex, who's second language was Spanish and who's third language was Hebrew. (Y'ALL I WAS SO YOUNG AND INNOCENT. Jesus Christ.) What I'm trying to say is that Mickey Avalon is aural herpes. His compatriot/collaborator Simon Rex/Dirt Nasty is somehow even raunchier; he's a legit ex-porn star and every one of his songs is a litany of pussy pussy pussy.



Love the 70's style going on here! Who goes to the club and dances to "I'm so faaaaancy" when you could get down to this?

"We are heroes like Kevin Bacon!": Guardians of the Galaxy reaction post

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Y'all, me and my girls redcandle17 and theladyscribe saw GOTG last night and it was soooooo good. Highly recommended, two thumbs (or tentacles) up, certainly the funniest MCU movie so far and full of the Power of Friendship, brightly colored action, and glee.


Peter challenging Ronan the Accuser to a DANCE-OFF was the best thing ever.

Rocket steals the show, and Bradley Cooper unexpectedly brings some pathos to his voice when Rocket drunkenly laments that he didn't ask to be made.

Sapling Groot! *cooes*

Nebula and Ronan seem like they were in some other movie entirely as their tone was so off from the rest of the cast.

Drax's delighted laughter in the face of danger -- so lovable!

Thank you god, Cosmo is now canon in the MCU.

Nova Prime on the Kree ambassador: "Prick." Glenn Close nailed that comedic timing.


Also, predictably fandom is already doing the concern-trolling handwringing over Gamora's portrayal in this film. I find it amazing that when we do get action heroines in Marvel films, the fandom rallies to downplay her accomplishments and compare her unfavorably to Natasha, proving once again that no matter what, female characters will be marginalized and be pitted against one another.



1. Gamora is a faux action girl! Gamora is an assassin. She couldn't have predicted that Rocket and Groot would interfere on Xandar; had they not, she would've taken the Orb from Peter and the plot would've ended right there. She more than held her own in the prison riot and she schooled Nebula. The only time we see her skills fail her is when the other prisoners gang up on her, and then as soon as there's a distraction she takes advantage of it immediately.

2. Gamora is extraneous to the plot; she's just there to be the token girl. Gamora's insider knowledge is the ONLY reason the GOTG, the Ravagers, and the Nova Corps fended off the Dark Aster. Without her, they wouldn't have known the ship's weak spots, they couldn't have gotten past Nebula, and they couldn't have shut off power to Ronan's command center.

3. Gamora was a damsel in distress who had to be saved all the time. EVERYONE on the team saved everyone else at different points. They would all have died if Groot hadn't sacrificed himself to form a cocoon around them as the Dark Aster went down. Gamora would've died in space if Peter hadn't turned himself in to Yondu. The GOTG and all of Xandar would've been all kinds of dead if Rocket hadn't managed to assemble a superweapon out of spare parts in record time. And Peter would've probably imploded into sticky goo if Gamora hadn't grabbed his hand and lent him her strength (followed by the others). My point is that Gamora is as much a damsel and a hero as any of the others.

Also, it was Gamora who insisted on turning the Orb over to the Nova Corps. Peter wanted to sell it to the Collector and be done with it. Rocket wanted to flee to the other side of the galaxy and live it up before Ronan killed them all. It's Gamora who puts them on the path to doing the ethical thing once she realizes how powerful and uncontrollable the Orb truly is.

Bill Mantlo gets to see Guardians of the Galaxy

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I am crying real tears over the report that Marvel sent Bill Mantlo, creator of Rocket Raccoon, a copy of the Guardians of the Galaxy movie that he could watch from his bed. Mantlo was struck by a hit-and-run driver in 1992 and suffered a traumatic brain injury. He cannot walk or feed himself, and he can barely speak. But he got to see Rocket travel the galaxy and save the day ♥

BTW, Bill Mantlo also created White Tiger, the first Puerto Rican superhero. I'm going to channel Anthony Mackie and say that Marvel needs to make a White Tiger movie, I don't care if it makes $5, and send it to Bill Mantlo so he can see it, too.

Guardians of the Galaxy fics recs + more

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First: there is a GOTG kink meme! It's at gotg_kink, go prompt and fill!

Now, after you're done with that, go read these fics, and leave feedback for the authors, because I know y'all are good like that.

A Sure Thing by thingswithwings. THANK GOD someone stepped up and wrote the incesty Gamora/Nebula fic we were all guiltily hoping to see.

Rootsong by inlovewithnight. This is a Gamora and Groot-centric story that's deeply touching.

breath of her by transfix-me. If you're open to Peter/Gamora, make it this fic.

Mama Quill approves this message.


Minor GOTG thoughts...

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Is Batista (Drax) the first Asian-American action hero in a major Hollywood blockbuster who is not also a martial artist? I can think of Asian martial arts heroes, and Asian protagonists who are not action heroes, but I can't think of another non-martial artist Asian action hero in a big Hollywood movie. (Batista is, in case you didn't know, half-Filipino, half-Greek.)

At the beginning of the movie, we see that Peter's mom Meredith is dying of cancer. Later on we also learn that Peter himself ishalf-alien on his father's side. Depressing thought: Is this what caused Mama Quill's fate? Who knows how much radiation an ancient celestial being emits. And carrying a half-alien fetus inside her body for nine months could have jumpstarted her cancer, as well. :(

I need to talk about this

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As some of y'all know, I hateread Tumblr fairly regularly. I come across a lot of things I find bizarre and/or disturbing, but among the most troubling, at least to me personally, is the casual dehumanization of the incarcerated. Like, a Tumblrite will furiously blog about how wearing a necklace makes you a culture-appropriating shitlord, and then a post later this same person is saying: We have prisons full of criminals to test drugs on.

Or: guys getting raped in prison! #misandry!

I see these things, and I think -- You are so immature, so naive, and so thoughtless. You have no concept of the seriousness of the things you casually say. Their impact means nothing to you. This subject has never touched you in any way, in your sheltered life, and you think it never will. Prisoners aren't real to you. They aren't human to you.

This is something I rarely bring up, and I may never talk about it on here again, but I come from two generations of prisoners. I have a parent AND a grandparent who were both incarcerated here in America. This is not ancient history, I'm not talking about some long-ago convict ancestor; this affected me, in the here and now. And I'm not going to talk about their crimes, because I don't want any apologetic "oh, but they weren't the bad ones!" platitudes. How can I express how disturbing it is to see my family talked about blithely as though they were lab rats? How do you think I feel at seeing prisoner rape chuckled about by these children?

Think for a moment about how you might feel.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled fannish squee.

Some A/B/O and Soulmate AUs worldbuilding and nitpicking

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I was talking to theladyscribe about how my brain always fizzles out at A/B/O AUs because I just can't accept how anything even remotely approaching modern society would come about in such a scenario. And anyway, how would such an unnecessarily complex reproductive system evolve? It's a little silly considering all the weirdo shit I will handwave without a problem, but that's just how my brain works.

My point is, we were talking A/B/O and Soulmate AUs. Soulmate AUs -- like TiMER or ones where people magically have the names of their soulmate written on their wrists, or where they soulbond after physical contact, etc. -- skeeve me out a little because it seems like a way to enforce monogamy. I'm all in favor of monogamy but I'm also in favor of free will. These AUs seem to present a world in which adultery is not only subject to public stigma, but next to impossible. The aforementioned AUs where the name of your soulmate is written on your wrist -- is there an accepted catch-all name for this AU? -- what does that mean when, for most of human history, the vast majority of people were illiterate? Or suppose your soulmate's name was written on you in Cyrillic or Chinese or Georgian. Would translators make bank off of transliterating soulmate names? What if you're Meredith Quill and your soulmate's name is written in some unfathomable alien language? What the fuck do you do then?

theladyscribe suggested a world in which only one gender has their soulmate's name written on their wrist, which prompted me to wonder what that would mean for trans people. Would everyone know you were trans at birth?

I would be intrigued by a romantic comedy where, like, everyone only has a first name written on their wrist. So a girl named Leslie with the name 'Chris' on her wrist might meet three guys named Chris and two girls named Christine all with 'Leslie' on their wrists, and have to figure out which one is her Chris!

Ronan the Accuser/Crystal Amaquelin Ship Manifesto

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Ronan the Accuser's profile has recently been raised thanks to the success of the GOTG movie, and as such I want to introduce or reintroduce my flist to the Ronan/Crystal ship, and talk about why you should ship them, too!

This is the story of how Ronan the Accuser, the badass bruiser supervillain and hammer of Kree justice, met Crystalia Amaquelin, Inhuman princess and sometime Avenger and Fantastic Four member, and how they fell in love and got married. Um, not exactly in that order.



By the time Crystal and Ronan met, she already had a checkered romantic past: first with Johnny Storm of the Fantastic Four, then Quicksilver of the Avengers (whom she married and had a child with after knowing him for, like, a month, tops). Crystal and Pietro's marriage fell apart for several reasons: he was a dick, she cheated on him, and familial spats are tough when your in-laws include Magneto and the Inhuman royal family.

Poor Crystal got dicked over hard by the prerogatives of royalty when her family arranged for her to marry Ronan, who at that time was more or less running the Kree empire. Say what you will about her, but Crystal let everyone know that she thought this was total bullshit.

crystalassholes

Crystal was visited by her ex-sister-in-law Polaris, who was not at all supportive of the difficult situation poor Crystal was in. (Lorna, sweetie, I like you but learn some fucking boundaries)



The wedding went off regardless, because politics is like that. Partway through, everyone was almost killed when the Shi'ar imperial guard attacked, and Ronan was beaten within an inch of his life. Crystal's reponse to the crises earned her major kudos from her new Kree subjects. While Ronan recuperated, Crystal was out getting shit done and bonding with her new hubby. Ronan kept slipping up and revealing that he was, just maybe, falling a little bit in love with his new wife.



Some dumb motherfucker gets up in Ronan's face and calls Crystal a "lab animal" (the Inhumans are products of long-ago Kree experimentation upon primitive humans). On the scale of bad ideas, this ranks as one of the baddest.



OH SHIT SON

YOU HAVE NOW FUCKED UP

YOU GONNA DIE



You don't talk about Ronan's woman like that and live.

He's protective of her at all times.




I need to point out that Crystal is an average-sized woman. Ronan is THAT much bigger than her. I am so down for the huge guy/tiny girl thing they have going on.




From most dudes, this would just be some poetic bullshit. Not so from Ronan the Accuser.



When Crystal's brother-in-law Maximus tries mind-controlling Ronan, she brings him back to himself with a kiss.



Even Maximus can see what's going on.



The Inhumans are peacing out, and Crystal decides to stay by Ronan's side. Let me remind you that this is the guy she was forced to marry for political reasons. Staying with him means remaining in space, far from her insular culture and everyone she knows. But she takes his hand and stands by him.




And all was well... until the evil Hickman arose, and destroyed all that we held dear.



Today on Tumblr Behaving Badly

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There's a reason I hateread Tumblr and don't have one of my own -- because I would be picking fights all damn day long, and I have a real life, a job, and gentlemen admirers. I ain't got time for that shit.

Black dude makes a vine asking why it's wrong for white people to make racial jokes. Tumblr responds by calling him a coon. For fucking real, I don't even necessarily agree with the black dude's point, but calling him a coon?! I bet you ten bucks the SJWs calling him that are white. It's amazing to me how many racist terms have made a come-back on Tumblr among SJWs. I grew up in Mississippi and I never heard anyone called that. Don't get me wrong, I heard some racist shit growing up, but 'coon' was from some other era; it's something a white overseer on Roots would've called slaves. Tumblr has saved 'coon' from the dustbin of history and put it to work for it's intended purpose: to belittle black people who they don't like. Great job, Tumblr.

The next example is a bit more nuanced. Tumblrite Desidere has taken MedievalPOC/Girljanitor to task for being a liar, a fraud, and an all-around horrible human being. It's nice to see someone fighting the good fight against MPOC, especially as Desidere is herself Chicana and therefore MPOC can't silence her by calling her a racist. Thing is, I went to check out Desidere's tumblr to see what's she's all about, and every other post on that thing is about white people. "White people this", "white people that", lol white people, white people ~feelings, interspersed with a kitty gif. I went back 9 pages on her tumblr, which is going back, uh, 4 days or so, and I think I saw one post about Chicano/Latino culture. She is so focused on white people that it skeeves me the fuck out. I'm white and I don't think about white people as much as Desidere does. Is there seriously nothing else going on in her life? Get a hobby or something.

GOTG rec on the kink meme!

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So it seems like guardian_kink ended up being the GOTG kink meme with some staying power, and HOLY SHIT, someone filled my prompt. It's called Unnatural Hungers, and go read, it's so good. It's about Ronan being very Blue Kree when it comes to his attraction to Gamora and Nebula.

Plus: I have never thought of Batista as cute, but this pic of him and a teeny baby raccoon is just adorables.

More MCU casting news!

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We now have a Bobbi Morse/Mockingbird for Agents of SHIELD: Adrianne Palicki, who also played Lady Jaye in one of the G.I. Joe movies, and Wonder Woman from the failed TV pilot from a few years ago.

Ant-Man is shaping up to have the oddest cast of a big Marvel blockbuster movie: aside from Douglas, Rudd, and Lilly, it's also got Michael Pena, Wood Harris from The Wire, the rapper T.I., Bobby Cannavale, and John Slattery returning as older Howard Stark. Evangeline Lilly's haircut looks super-cute, but why give her a Janet Van Dyne-do when she's not playing Janet?!

In other news, the lizard king Benedict Cumberbatch has been cast as Richard III in the mega production of The Hollow Crown: The Wars of the Roses, which I hope means he's now out of the running for Dr. Strange. Of the other rumored candidates, I'm hoping Edgar Ramirez gets it. I also think Jared Leto could give us a decent Strange.

Meredith Quill: Art Nerd

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A realization I had: Peter references Jackson Pollock's paintings in GOTG. In 1988, when Peter was taken to space, Pollock had been dead for about 20 years, and I'm not sure your average eight-year-old boy is into deceased, alcoholic abstract expressionist artists. Since pretty much all of Peter's pop culture references are dated to before his abduction, this leads me to conclude that he knows about Jackson Pollock the same way he knows about 70's music: from his mother.

Was Meredith Quill a huge art nerd? Was she perhaps an artist herself? I'm imagining her putting canvases on her studio floor so that she and bby!Peter can drip paint on them just like Jackson Pollock, until they both have paint all over their clothes and hands and in their hair.

This got published: 'White Boyz in the Hood'

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I have of late become obsessed with the movie Lords of Dogtown, and also the documentary on which it was based, Dogtown and Z-Boys, which tells the story of the rebirth of skateboarding in 70's coastal California and the rise of the three most iconic members of the famous Zephyr skateboarding team: Tony Alva, Stacy Peralta, and Jay Adams. In case you're interested, you can watch Lords of Dogtown for free for the next couple of days on Crackle, and Dogtown and Z-Boys is available on Youtube for free with French subtitles.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered a chapter about this movie and the documentary in Kyle Kusz's book, Revolt of the White Athlete. Kusz treats us to some first-class, missing the fucking point, navel-gazing meta.

It is quite conspicuous and peculiar that this in-depth profile of Adams, a convicted felon, begins with shots of a wide-eyed, smiling, and happy go lucky Adams as a boy. Such images rely on conventional and mutually-reinforcing notions of whiteness and childhood as pure, innocent, and essentially good to activate the affective sympathies of white viewers for Adams. -- pg 127.

Jay Adams was thirteen years old during the beginning of the time period depicted in Lords of Dogtown/Dogtown and Z-Boys. Are the filmmakers supposed to portray him as having been evil from birth? His downfall is made quite clear in both the movie and the documentary. While Alva and Peralta become world champions, ran their own companies, and made millions of dollars, Adams chose the path of violence and drugs, and it eventually drove him into an early grave. This cautionary tale would have no impact on any viewer -- white, black, brown, or green -- if we are not first introduced to a young boy with a lot of talent who squanders it.

... this strategy of constituting white men in a variety of ways as innocent boys who are not quite fully men (think about the films Big, Billy Madison, Forest Gump, About A Boy, or even Fight Club) was yet another popular strategy used to distance and disaffiliate individual white males from white male privilege, as well as, disadvowing its institutional existence. -- pg 128.

All those movies are about fictional characters. Jay Adams was a real human being who really lived and really died. You cannot act like his existence was comparable to that of a fictional person from an Adam Sandler comedy.

At this point, we should recall that Alva's racial/ethnic identity is both suitably ambiguous and unremarked upon throughout the film.... Alva could reasonably be read as Latino, white, black, or bi-racial. -- pg. 129.

Only a fucking idiot could fail to realize that Tony Alva is a Mexican.

The illustration of Alva as a cool and "different" white Z-Boy... Add these black discursive encodings of Alva's white masculinity with heavy emphasis given to his "style" in showcasing Alva's exceptionality. -- pg. 130.

Oh, I forgot, this book is written by a fucking idiot. The Mexican heritage of both Alva and Peralta is brought up several times in both LOD/D&Z. Kusz can't have that, though, so he tries to argue that both of them are 'coded' as white (because only white people are ambitious? Only white people succeed in skateboarding? Only white people own companies and win film-making awards?) and bizarrely tries to make a point that "style" is the exclusive domain of black men and that Alva is leveraging the white privilege he apparently has as a dreadlock-wearing Mexican from the slums of coastal California to steal "style" from black dudes.

By constituting Peralta as the center of the film's [Lords of Dogtown] narrative, the Z-Boys' white masculinity, first and foremost, gets portrayed to the mainstream as: hard-working, desiring upward socio-economic mobility, virtuous, innocent, respectful of women and commercially successful, values better aligned with those of the American middle class. -- pg. 135.

As mentioned before, Peralta is also Mexican! (or rather Mexican-American) And holy shit, what a concept, portraying a Hispanic teenage boy as being hard-working and successful and nice to girls. Only white, middle class Americans want to see protagonists like this.

Also, by arguing that both Peralta and Alva are symbolically white guys, isn't Kyle Kusz committing the very sin he accuses these filmmakers of: erasing their Mexican heritage and portraying them as white heroes for a white audience because they're not authentically "Mexican enough" for Kusz? What would make them "Mexican enough" -- if they wore sombreros and rode on donkeys? This guy is so fucking racist and he can't even see it. Kusz pushes Peralta and Alva to the side in order to focus on the one legit white guy in LOD/D&Z: Jay Adams.

Whereas Alva and Peralta are portrayed in both the movie and the documentary as flawed but exceptional heroes, and Adams as a tragic figure who fell from grace, that doesn't work with the agenda Kyle Kusz is pushing here. He has to downplay Alva and Peralta's Mexican heritage and their achievements in order to promote his agenda. And along the way Kusz throws out some troubling racist stuff without seeming to notice or contemplate on it -- like why is "style" exclusive to black men? Is Kusz saying that black men don't care about substance, only superficiality? Why does Kusz think that teenage boys being portrayed as hard-working, successful, ambitious, and good-hearted is something calculated to appeal to white America? Does he assume that Latinos, blacks, and Asians don't like to see young men portrayed in such a way?

For great justice!

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Hallelujah! Someone on the kink meme has given us Ronan/Korath! (Also, someone go fill my Gamora/Nebula prompt)

On a sign-up for a fannish fic exchange, I came across this mind-boggling entry. I decided to be kind and not include their lj username.

smuttyclaus

WTF is a "POC characters with non-POC attributes"? What the fuck kind of "attributes" are non-white people supposed to have? Are black people not supposed to play the flute or something? This is so racist. It's like the harder fandom tries, the harder fandom fails.

IRL, kenpo continues to be fabulous. Our sifu is always so apologetic about teaching us things like the correct way to snap someone's neck. Today they started teaching me nunchaku (nunchucks). It was interesting, but as possessing nunchucks is illegal in NYC, I think I will gravitate more towards the sticks and knives section of the weaponry. We also worked on disarming a knife-wielding attacker and then breaking their elbow! Cool!

P.S. Because you know you want it: a Ke$ha/Superman fanfic.

The Beast 666

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I've been reading about Aleister Crowley and his cult, Thelema, and his harem of followers, all very intriguing stuff even if you don't buy a word of his occult beliefs. So intriguing that by Edwardian standards, Crowley was "The Wickedest Man in the World" -- in an era that's seen Jonestown, David Koresh, and the Manson Family, it's almost quaint to think of some oversexed crowing rooster like Crowley as being the wickedest anything, ever.

While we're on the subject, my man-creature introduced me to Raymond Pettibon's "The Book of Manson", all of which is on Youtube. Pettibon is an artist and the brother of Greg Ginn of the punk rock band Black Flag; "The Book of Manson" is a movie he made with some of his punk rock friends playing the part of the Manson Family. It's very much in the Mel Brooks tradition of getting revenge by making your enemies ridiculous. Pettibon portrays the Manson Family as the dirty unwashed pack of psycho-hippies they were, allowing us to laugh at them and thus strip them of their power to terrify us. The scene where the male acolytes of the Manson Family dowse for the dead body of one of their victims in what is clearly some random person's backyard is hilarious -- they keep stumbling around the same 10 foot by 10 foot area the entire time in a zombified drug-haze, complaining that they "work harder than the Marines."

But my favorite is the scene where the Manson girls ask Charles Manson (played by weedy-looking punk rocker Robert Hecker of the band Redd Kross) for a miracle to cure their crabs. He goes into a deranged rant about how he never had a father because he's Jesus Christ, at which point some actress with the best comedic timing ever indignantly pipes up with, "Fuck Charlie, I'll just keep on scratchin'." Genius!

Like Bond Girl Famke Janssen, I can kill a man with my thighs

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Last night in ninja class, our instructors taught us how to do a triangle choke with your legs from an on guard (on your back) position. Two of our male instructors demonstrated the position, which involves one person laying on their back with the other straddling them, and I swear to god I saw some of my classmates' faces light up in what can only be described as yaoi fangirl glee.

theladyscribeand I practiced against one another, grappling and trying to wrap our thighs around the other's head in order to choke off the blood supply to the brain. At the rate we're going, we're going to be a matched set of Black Widows before long!
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