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WWE Survivor Series 2014

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-- I was screaming at my screen, "CENA YOU BASTARD GO BACK FOR ZIGGLER!"

-- Stephanie screaming like her Horcrux was being destroyed.

-- Prediction: Seth Rollins decides to pretend that the last few months didn't happen and shows back up acting like everyone's friend.

-- LOL at Seth's vocal appreciation of the way Luke Harper manhandles Ziggler.

-- Bray Wyatt demanding that Dean "punish" him with the chair... oh LAWD

-- Sting shows up to the Invasion 13 years late.

Adam Cole Bay Bay

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Over on Reddit, Adam Cole (pro wrestler) did an AMA and I asked him a burning question...

adamcolebaybay

Well, well, well...

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It's official. These guys are just googling their names with "fanfiction" after it and seeing what comes up.

Incoming Benedict Cumberbatch Wank

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Let me say for the record that I am not a Benedict Cumberbatch stan. I am not thrilled that he's going to be Dr. Strange, and that he was NOT my first choice for the role, or even my first white guy choice for the role. I am also not looking forward to his stans (the Cumberbitches) invading MCU fandom and the inevitable generic Dr. Strange/any-Martin Freeman-character slash fic that they will produce.

That being said, I am also not looking forward to any rehashing of the "Benedict Cumbebatch's family owned slaves!!!" SJW wank that pops up on Tumblr like a herpes infection. Especially when there's so many LEGITIMATE reasons to dislike Cumberbatch, latching onto his family's history (which he personally had nothing to do with and cannot control) reeks of commandeering a historical atrocity to justify your hateboner for an actor. I have a very big problem with any notion of 'blood guilt' and this reductive way of talking about history and the evils of slavery.

Finn Balor, Irish wrestling demon king

Seth Rollins: Evil Incarnate

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Last night Seth Rollins was the heeliest heel since, at least, Edge from 2008. In fact, Edge from 2014 was one of his principal victims. Who would ever have thought that the pretty boy with a lisp in Age of the Fall would become wrasslin's most vicious villain? Somewhere, Jimmy Jacobs is brushing away a tear and whispering to himself, "So proud of my boy."



Sometimes Seth has trouble putting his Cyberfights days behind him.

An attempt to transcribe Mickey Avalon's "Red Light District"

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So far as I know, this song is only performed live and no lyrics have been published for it.

She got legs for miles
and a devilish smile
A twinkle in her eye
and impeccable style
She knows her worth
and ain't nothing free
Working these suckers for her salary
Walks these streets
like a ballerina between the sheets
She's the main feature
Hard to get your rocks off
in a two-seater
Cost a lotta loot but
There ain't none sweeter
Take a trick to the top of the world
Never get a kiss outta this little girl

Chorus:
Better look quick
Red light district
Hookers and tricks
Red light district
Give it all to your pimp
Red light district
Roll up in the whip [i.e. a Mercedes-Benz]
What you'll do for a tip
Red light district
Gotta pay the rent
Red light district

Whether it's Amsterdam
or the Sunset Strip
It's the oldest profession
in the biz
For a midnight fix
And you gotta get away from the wife and the kids
And if you say you never paid for the sex
I guess you never took a bitch out to breakfast
You big, big spender
You ain't never bought a ring or a necklace
....
Let's get to the moral of the story:
There comes a time when a man gets horny
And if you don't wanna jerk your own dick
Then take a trip to the red light district

[Chorus]

Make that money
(make it, make it)
Make that money
Go make it, honey
(make it, make it)
Shake it, honey
(shake it, shake it)
Take that money
(take it, take it)

Adventure Time with Finn and Hideo

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Finn Balor, an Irish wrassler known for painting himself up like a demon god, and Japanese wrasslin lengend KENTA, currently known as Hideo Itami (his WWE slave name) are in NXT together, and these two strangers in a strange land are always posting waaaaay too many cute pictures of each other frolicking about in the Florida sunshine.









I totally want a Youtube series about Finn and Hideo going on adventures~ together.

Black Sails Spoilers

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Becoming a pirate king in the Caribbean and waging unceasing war against not only the British Navy but society as a whole, in revenge for the persecution of your same-sex relationship and your one true love being confined in an asylum is romantic and tragic as fuck and quite unexpected coming from a dumb anachronistic STARZ show about pirates glowering at each other over mugs of ale and leaping out of the way of cannon blasts.

Cool Dude of the Day: Vampiro

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Vampiro, aka Ian Hodgkinson, fka Canadian Vampire Casanova (no, really) is a wrestler who should've been way more famous than he is. He had the look and the moves, and he also had the misfortune to join WCW during its ignoble descent into irrelevance. He spent most of his career being the biggest deal ever in Mexico, because Mexicans know what's up.

vampiro

Nowadays, he's doing announcing on Lucha Underground (which is awesome, btw) and he's also a righteous human being. He's active in the Mexico City chapter of the Guardian Angels, a citizen group that patrols the dangerous streets looking out for civilians. He saved a man from dying at a McDonald's recently. And he advocates for the rights of Native Canadians. He's a cool dude and you should know more about him!

Ant-Man

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I have a feeling that MCU Ant-Man will either surprise us all and turn out to be amazing, and everyone will flock to it and it'll be a mega-hit like GOTG, or it will be Marvel's first bomb.

Stupid Daredevil meta

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From this post on Marvel's awesome Daredevil series:

For another: what the hell is fire to a blind person? You can’t touch fire (without dire consequences). You can’t smell fire. You can’t hear fire. If Matt describes the world as a place on fire, then what he’s essentially describing is a place he can’t touch. That’s — weird and wrong, given what we know of his abilities.

Are you an actual fucking idiot? You can't hear, or smell, or feel fire? Fire cracks and pops and hisses. The heat from a fire can be felt across a room, and you can smell smoke and the scent of the wood or paper as it burns. Fire is a full sensory experience. I realize most of fandom nowadays seems to live in mom and dad's basement and never interacts with the outside world, but for fuck's sake have you never been near a FIRE?!

More stupid DD opinions (this time from lj)

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So Astolat has some less than flattering things to say about the new Daredevil series. Okay, cool, some of what she says has merit. Let's talk about that. But she tries to go a little SJW on the show having POC villains (as well as white villains) and that's kinda rich considering...

Screen shot 2015-04-25 at 3.23.22 PM

The fic I referenced, btw, is right here on her A03 page, where Kingpin (as played by the dearly departed Michael Clark Duncan) rapes Daredevil, which means Astolat depicts a black man raping a white man. Yo, how the fuck can you talk shit when you're guilty of the same fucking thing? Astolat should know that depiction does not equal endorsement. Or is it only bad when its a TV show that she doesn't care for depicting such things?

Avengers: Age of Ultron thoughts and reactions

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This movie leaves me with mixed feelings. I can't even describe it as mediocre, because what it does well, it does GREAT. But it's like 1/3 brilliant to 2/3 lazy, and it's FRUSTRATING.



First, the good stuff.

-- Ultron is, unexpectedly, my favorite part of the movie. He's one of the MCU's most memorable villains: he's bizarre, he's funny, he's conscious of supervillain tropes and deliberately avoids them, and he's scary. If anything, I wish he was SCARIER, but in a weird sort of way, his amiability makes him creepier than if they had just gone with a generic "kill all humans" murderbot. When he cuts off Klaue's arm, Ultron actually seems surprised, as though he hadn't meant to maim the guy and is as surprised as Klaue that he just did that.

-- The Clint/Hawkeye scenes are all great, and it's obvious that Whedon enjoys writing the character. The scenes with his wife and kids have a sweetness to them that can't be faked.

-- The Bruce/Natasha stuff is fine for what it is. I disagree with a lot of fandom on this: I can totally see why Natasha would fall for this guy, and I like that she's the aggressor when it comes to pursuing a relationship with him. I feel like this romance was developed as a way to give Natasha an active choice, something the character has never really had. Up till now, her story has given Natasha the choice between 'kill people for the Red Room', 'kill people for SHIELD', or now, 'kill people for the Avengers'. That's not much of a fucking choice to give a strong independent woman who don't need no man. At least in wanting to be with Bruce, Natasha displays some initiative for herself that isn't just who she chooses to kill people for.

-- At the same time, I can understand why Bruce would be so reluctant to put her in harm's way by being with her. I don't see that scene of Natasha revealing her sterility to him as being "oh I'm a monster because I'm sterile" the way some have interpreted it. She's saying to him that not being able to have kids is not a dealbreaker for her, because she's in the same position. Natasha doesn't think of herself as a monster because she's sterile -- she thinks of herself as a monster because killing comes easily to her.

-- The Hulkbuster vs. Hulk fight is well done.

-- Tony and Thor trying to one-up each other by bragging about their girlfriends is very in-character for both of them.

-- Nice touch at Steve being the one to express sympathy for the Maximoff twins and their plight.

-- For that matter, the Maximoff twins telling Ultron the story of their parents' deaths and why they hate Tony Stark is decent enough for an exposition-y bit.

-- The Vision looks cool.

The bad:

-- There is so much set-up and so little pay-off in this movie. Why isn't there a scene where Tony is confronted by the Maximoffs and has to face what his warmongering past did to them? It never happens. Not only that, but there is seriously no reason either twin should want to join the Avengers. I get why they agree to take down Ultron, but neither Pietro nor Wanda have any reason or inclination to join the Avengers, and yet they do. WTF.

-- No scene where Ultron possesses the Iron Man armor. Tony flies around in intelligent metal suits, and Ultron never bothers to take advantage of this? WTF.

-- What is even the point of killing off Pietro/Quicksilver? There's not even a scene of Wanda mourning him. It seems to happen purely so Whedon can have his Whedonism and kill somebody off. I'm inclined to think that Whedon was bitter enough about this being his last MCU project that he killed Pietro out of spite, to keep a future director from getting to use the twins as a unit.

-- Thor seems pretty aimless. You get the impression the script was trying to find something for him to do. Cap doesn't fare much better; he just ambles in to nod approvingly or twirl in the air or give Tony the conflict and validation that he needs, by turns, without any rhyme or reason. It's more obvious than ever that Whedon has NO IDEA how to write either character. This is not surprising, as 99% of fandom can't write Steve or Thor either, but what is disappointing in a fan writer becomes infuriating in a highly paid, trained, experienced director.

-- Tony does a LOT of talking without ever saying very much. I think you could cut 80% of his dialogue without losing a thing. It's like the more Whedon tries to explain his motivations, the murkier Tony's motivations actually become.

-- The momentum from Cap 2 sputters out, as Cap and Falcon play pool and rub elbows with the Avengers. Bucky? Who the hell is Bucky?

-- The Avengers fight gazillions of robot mooks (who are seemingly as easily torn apart as tissue paper)... just like they fought gazillions of alien mooks in the first movie.

-- The audience snickered at the Ant-Man trailer. Not even giggled. Snickered.

Satchel and Michael Starr from Steel Panther

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At about 1:18 Michael licks Satchel's guitar!

James O'Barr doesn't care who you are, Kitty Pryde

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Today was the first day of Comic Con, which is also my only day of Comic Con, so I was determined to fit in as much as possible into the one day that I had. I attended two panels with theladyscribe: one was about writing diverse characters, and the other was librarians talking about censorship. The first panel was okay, but was more about general "how to start writing", rather than really focusing on writing characters very different from yourself. Four of the panelists went on and on about Google Earth, to the point where I was like, "Is Google paying them to get name-dropped at this thing?" I was expecting the librarian panel to be boring, but it was actually quite interesting. The librarians had their shit together -- they had notes in front of them, they had their points they wanted to make, they had citations -- I like that level of dedication.

I prowled about the vendors and Artists Alley to see all the treasures for sale and take pics of cosplayers, and y'all I MET PETER S. BEAGLE and bought a DVD of The Last Unicorn which he autographed for me in three separate places.

My last NYCC event was the panel for James O'Barr's The Crow, which turned out to be exactly the kind of panel I like: no bullshit, no slides, just James O'Barr hanging out with a few dozen fans and answering questions. He talked about the Crow movie that's in development, and he seems cautiously optimistic; apparently, it's an adaptation of the comic, not a remake of the 1994 movie. They're looking to film in Detroit ("It's a ready-made apocalyptic wasteland") and Tom Waits is interested in appearing as the shopkeeper, Gideon. A fan asked if he'd spoken to Brandon Lee's family about the new movie; O'Barr said that he had spoken to Shannon Lee and that she was understanding. He told us about how Hollywood dicked over Alex Proyas, the director of the 1994 movie, and that most of the songs from the first movie's soundtrack were done as a favor by bands that O'Barr was friendly with (the exception being The Cure). He also declared, "I don't give a damn about Kitty Pryde" when a fan asked him if he read mainstream comics.

Back with cosplay pics later!

Hetalia ficlets

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I realized I never posted these here, even though I wrote them years ago!

Author: Yours truly.
Characters: America. No pairings.
Genre: Angst (is environmental horror a genre?)
Rating: M for Mature, for possibly disturbing implications and imagery. No violence, adult language, or sexual content.
Warnings: Dark themes, psychological torment, possible eating disorder (warning to be on the safe side). This story was written without political agenda, although I could see how it might be viewed otherwise, and it is not a reflection of my own thoughts or feelings or criticism of any kind. Sometimes art is just art.
Summary: Written for the kink meme; this version is somewhat edited and cleaned up. America is aware of his flaws and the mistakes he has made, but is powerless to stop himself.



America would stop if he could.

It is not that he is by nature cruel; he would rather protect, shelter, or defend. He is still an artless boy who longs to be everyone's best friend.

But the hunger -- it is the hunger of one of his rampaging forest fires, devouring all in its path -- his hunger is all-consuming. He can split the atom but he cannot stop himself.

His fields bear and bear, and it is not enough. The earth, a good mother, offers him her bounty. He peels back her mountaintops and gorges on her veins of coal. His cities never sleep, can never sleep, kept alight by pumping pistons and roaring dams.

If it is not the hunger, it is the thirst. Thirst for blood, for power, for oil. His tongue swells until it fills his entire mouth, and his heartbeat flutters, and then he must go and take and take and take. The oil is running out, they tell him. How did he ever live without it. How can he live without it.

America does not wish to hurt the others -- he cannot even find them on the map most of the time, why would he want them dead? Truly, he wishes to save them from themselves. But when he goes to kiss them, somehow he ends up with their bodies in his jaws, their marrow already flowing down his throat. He fattens them on a steady diet of media, of Hollywood, of peace through superior firepower. He whittles them away to their brittle bones.

Stop, they cry out, don't you see, you are killing us. You are eating us alive.

America thinks that the reason that he and Russia understand one another -- the reason they hate each other -- is because they each recognize the predator in the other. America eyes Russia from across the room, and he knows that one day, it will come down to just them.

America isn't afraid. He licks his lips. He is all appetite.


This next one is a little hard to classify because it's not exactly fanfic, but not quite a fan poem or filk, either. Think of it as the sort of thing England might've made Colonial America recite to learn his letters.

Title: Alphabet
Characters: England, Colonial America
Rating: T for Teen
Warning: Dark imagery and disturbing themes presented in a whimsical manner



Now listen, young master Jones, and pay attention! Sit up straight! Be quiet! This is very important.

A is for Africa, from which we fetch our slaves.
B is for the Bahamas, where they break their backs.
C is for colonies, mine not yours.
D is for Drake, who crushed the Armada.
E is for Empire, the grandest on earth.
F is for fortune in spices and gold.
G is for glory for the Empire.
H is for honor you will bring me.
I is for India, the jewel in my crown.
J is for justice, mine to bestow.
K is for the king, long may he reign.
L is for lesson, which you will learn well.
M is for mastery, remember to whom you belong.
N is for nutmeg, a spice from abroad.
O is for oceans, of which I am master.
P is for place, always be mindful of yours.
Q is for queens, bringer of dowries.
R is for races of brown and yellow.
S is for strength to crush our enemies.
T is for taxes to fill my coffers.
U is for Union Flag, which will fly forever.
V is for victory over all others.
W is for whip, scourge of all slaves.
X is for xenium, a gift for ambassadors and diplomats.
Y is for years, 12 months each for conquest.
Z is for zenith, the peak of my power.

Y'all they're onto us

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Johnny Gargano has found slash fic of himself and Chuck Taylor.

For the record, if any pro wrestlers ever happen across this lj and read erotic slash fanfic of themselves as written by moi, I am not responsible for any hurt feelings because my fic is always about your character, not you as a person. That being said, if my erotic slash fanfic inspires you to have sex with the co-worker I paired you with, please send me pics. That would be cool. Sincerely, moi.

Fake geeks, stand down

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I don't know what's going on, it must be full moon or something, because the fake geeks are coming out of the woodwork. I'm not hating on anybody if they're not into comics or whatever, but don't go shooting your mouth off, acting like you know something, when the facts are easily Googleable.

Example one: "That would be a snappier answer if Whedon had invented Buffy" (uh, he DID invent Buffy). Scroll down to see this comment.

Example two: "Man, [Wanda and Pietro] weren't even raised by Romani parents, they were raised by Bova and the rest of High Evolutionary's weird animal hybrids after Anya died."

Oh my fucking god. Django and Marya Maximoff absolutely DID raise 616 Pietro and Wanda, and they absolutely were their parents. They were not their parents biologically, that being Magneto and his wife Magda, but they were their parents in every way that counted. They fed them, clothed them, loved them. They were Pietro and Wanda's mom and dad. Bova only took care of them for maybe a few weeks at most after Magda died. They were this old when Django and Marya Maximoff adopted them:



I'm also a-gog at some of the Tumblr people freaking out over Wanda and Pietro's Jewishness being erased in the movies. First of all, we know next to nothing about MCU Wanda and Pietro. All we know is that Aaron Taylor-Johnson's gone on record saying they're Gypsies from Eastern Europe. 616 Wanda and Pietro are not just half-Romani by blood (through Magda) they were raised as Romanies by Django and Marya. More than that, neither of them even knew they were half-Jewish until well into adulthood. They didn't know Magneto was their father! Magda killed herself to cover her tracks and keep the twins from them! 616 Wanda and Pietro are only Jewish by heritage, and that heritage was kept from them for most of their lives. There are better examples of Jewish heroes if you're looking for representation.

Fuck Ultron

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There are already people on Tumblr who want to fuck Ultron.

Get me a young priest and an old priest. We have to exorcise Tumblr.

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU.
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